- Well, now's the time to do it! You're young, no kids yet, no house. Now's the time.
- If I could go back and do something like that I'd do it in a heartbeat.
- Sounds like an incredible adventure.
All of these responses make a lot of sense, right? In fact, I start gearing myself up based on these conversations. I'm excited for the adventure this is going to be. I'm excited for the experiences I'm going to have. I like the way people are impressed with my ability to see through the rat race and pursue an opportunity that would be more fulfilling. I feel more and more confident because people around me are affirming my decision. After these conversations end however I've noticed a reoccurring feeling. Its the feeling of being overwhelmed. After people leave, I return to the real challenges of what we're trying to do. I return to the logistical challenges we're facing. I return to goodbyes that will inevitably take place and the funds that still need to come in. I look at this and I'm overwhelmed. Its strange and the reason I'm writing this right now is because feeling overwhelmed hasn't been a huge issue for us thus far. I mean, we've had waves of it come and go, but it hasn't had a significant impact on our attitudes. Why is it now all of a sudden in the midst of what appears to be enthusiasm and support? After thinking about it I've come to, what I feel to be, a reasonable conclusion.
Yes, what Stephanie and I are doing is a tremendous adventure. Yes, now is a great time in life to take this on and we feel fortunate God has chosen this moment to call us. Yes, we're absolutely looking forward to the experiences we'll have and the places we'll see. Hardly a day goes by when we don't talk about these things. However, I realized in the midst of all these positive conversations I'm having with co-workers that I tend to offer a very vanilla, politically correct explanation for why we're going on this journey. I get into the process. I discuss the faith based aspect of what we're doing. I discuss the fund raising aspect. People know I'm a Christian (at least most do) and see it's correlation with what we're about to do. The thing is, I rarely get into the meat and potatoes why this is the life we're choosing.
We're making this move because God has called us to make it and we must be obedient to his call. We're doing this because we're deciding an existence in his will is far better then any we've ever known or ever would know. We're allowing the spirit to drive our decisions, in a way trading our freedom for the only true freedom. With this obedience has come faith. With it has come peace. Its allowed us to walk though the challenges and be strengthened. Its allowed us to handle this concept of the unknown with more grace then I, myself, am capable of. It's coming to the simple, but radical conclusion that what God has for us is better and finally taking the appropriate physical steps to acknowledge that fact with our lives.
Every interaction I allow to motivate me, which does not take into consideration the facts stated above is built on a premise of instability. Its a premise that states, "this ""adventure" is about me." This "adventure" is about my sacrifice and my justified priorities. In reality, this "adventure" would chew me up and spit me out if it were not for the wonderful beautiful grace of God. It's a humbling point to come to, but a necessary reality to face. This "adventure" isn't about me or my sacrifice. Its not about celebrating my step of faith. Not about me at all. God didn't slap me on the back when I told him I would him. He offered me a life line. He said follow me if you want to be free. Trace my footsteps if you want to live a life more abundantly. He gave me my life back. The only life worth living. He called and I answered. That's it. Its expected. It is the authority of an all might, all powerful, all consuming God. The options are few and the direction is clear.